she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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