I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize