I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
