My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
