Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
