Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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