I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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