Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize