I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
