Im at strip club and am horny
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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