Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
