I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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