Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
