Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
