Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
