these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
