i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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