is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
