After last night, I could never be a politician.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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