you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
