I wish I only lived at night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize