We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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