OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
