It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
