Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I could fuck to npr.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
