when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
