The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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