who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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