She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need to stop coming to work sober
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Come on in and take your pants off
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