I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
