i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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