i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
