2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
