NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize