I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
