I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
