I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
