what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
