I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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