If that was your dad, he is hot
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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