First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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