i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
