Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
