Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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