New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
