don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
