i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
