she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
