How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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