I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
