he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
