Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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