what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
