College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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