maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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