OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
