Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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