I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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