after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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