My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
