You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize