just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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