People in love make me want to vomit
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
