Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
