pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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